Dealing With Negative People: Tip #3

Tip #3: Objectify the Comments Made

     More Stuff from Celestine Chua of The Personal Excellence Blog.
Negative people can be quite critical at times. They tend to drop insensitive comments that are hurtful, especially if they are directed at you. For example, I once had a friend who was quite tactless. She would drop jarring comments which were dismissive and critical. Initially I was bothered by her words, wondering why she had to be so critical every time she spoke. I also wondered if there was something wrong with me – that perhaps I wasn’t good enough. However, when I observed her interactions with our common friends, I realized she did this to them too. Her comments were not personal attacks – it was just her being the way she was.

     Recognize that the negative person usually means no harm – he/she is just caught up in his/her negativity. Start by learning how to deal with critical comments. Objectify the comments made – Rather than take his/her words personally, recognize that he/she is just offering a point of view. Sieve out the underlying message and see if there is anything you can learn from what he/she said.

***And Bill said, "Don't you hate it when we professionals take such a rational view of things? Like...Sieve out the underlying message and see if there is anything you can learn from what he/she said. Makes me want to stick my finger down my throat. Most of us are not even close to being that rational and unemotional. Criticism gets our goat. We do not like it and we do not like the people who do it to us. However, there is some truth in what Celestine wrote. See if there is anything you can learn from what she wrote. Don't laugh". Please visit Celestine's Blog. I think you will enjoy it.

Managing Your Life in a World Full of Moods

Tip #2: Hang Out In Groups

More Stuff from Celestine Chua of The Personal Excellence Blog.

Speaking to a negative person can be extremely draining. When I spoke to my negative co-worker, I would be mentally drained for several hours, even though we talked for only 20-30 minutes. That was because I was on the receiving end of all her negativity.

To address this, have someone else around when conversing with the negative individual. In fact, the more people, the better. This way, the negative energy is divided between you and the other members, and you don’t have to bear the full brunt of the negative energy.

The plus point of having someone else around is that people bring out a different side to an individual. By having another party around, it may bring out a more positive side in the negative person. I experienced this before and it helped me to see the “negative” individual in a different, more positive light.

* Bill Spears, PhD said..."Community. That's what I call it. The image that encapsulates the idea of community for me is a small group of people talking and listening while staring into a campfire. Community is the principal method that humans used to survive throughout the ages. And, it is a great method of survival around a negative person. Rarely will a group agree completely with someone about anything.

So, ole "Negativer" is "negativing"and the first thing you know someone or others in the group disagrees. It may be a planned event, put together for the specific purpose of negating the negative flow of the"Negativer". I once worked in a Alcohol and Drug Rehab Center. If a patient was disrupting the unit, he or she would "get grouped". The community would get together and the identified patient would be called to give an accounting for their negative or unruly or disrupting attitude or behavior. The method worked brilliantly most of the time. There can be some serious positive power for good in a good working group of sane people. The staff called it "Carefronting"."

Don't forget that some negative people are pretty funny.
http://youtu.be/ESHih2aruwE

Managing Your Life in a World Full of Moods

You live in a world full of moody people. Everyone has a mood. Everyone is in a mood. You hear things like, "Are you in a  bad mood?" or "Wow! You're in a good mood!" Moods are the color of life. Can you imagine a day without emotion? Sounds bland and drab.

You cannot control the mood of a person. There are times when you cannot change your own mood. However, there are some ways of dealing with negative individuals, those who seem to constantly have a downpour of negativity falling from the sky of their life. Celestine Chua, author of The Personal Excellence Blog offers some important tips for dealing with negativity of others.

The following tips were taken from Celestine's  blog. At the end of Celestine's tip, I will offer a comment or two (indicated by an asterisk *).

Tip #1: Don’t Engage in the Negativity

One thing I found is negative people tend to harp on the bad things and ignore the positive stuff. They also have a tendency to exaggerate issues they are facing, making their predicament seem a lot worse than it actually is.

The first time you converse with a negative individual, provide a listening ear and offer help if needed. Provide support – let him/her know he/she is not alone. However, be sure to draw a line somewhere. If the person keeps harping on the same problems even after the first few conversations, then it’s a sign to disengage. For starters, try to switch topics. If he/she goes into a negative swirl, let him/her continue, but don’t engage in the negativity. Give a simple reply, such as “I see” or “Okay”. Whereas if he/she is being positive, reply in affirmation and enthusiasm. When you do it often enough, he/she will soon realize what’s going on, and will start to be more positive in his/her communication.
                                                     
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* There are times when we are negative AND FOR DANG GOOD REASONS TOO! Negative is not bad. Sometimes life is not a positive experience. We can admit that. We can talk about it. Yes, we can be negative. I have never advocated a perpetual "Wink Martindale" smile. As my Papaw used to say, "It just ain't natural!" This post is not concerned about negative moments, rather it offers workable  tips for dealing with negative people; those who have the perpetual scowl of ventriloquist Jeff Dunham's puppet "Walter". Next Post...Hang out in Groups.