Now About That Stupid Bird

This morning was beautiful. The sun was just beginning to lighten and brighten the manicured lawn. My dogs were lying peacefully at my feet while I sat in silence drinking my first cup of coffee. My mind was filled with thoughts of gratitude and feelings of serenity.

But, there was this one bird. At first I included this little vocal creature on my gratitude list. It chirped and chirped and chirped to the point where I began to wonder if birds take breaths. The unrestrained whistles that filled the morning air soon became nothing more than a bird screaming in a nearby tree.

I became irritated at the feathered virtuoso. Soon my peaceful morning was turning into a battle between this 4 ounce resident of one tree on 54 Oak Haven and me. I shewed and shewed, tossed rocks out of the flower garden and generally worked up a good sweat trying to silence this wren that I had come to refer to as "stupid".

And, then it was over. The little thing flew away. I dropped my hand full of rocks and marched victoriously back to my comfortable chair on the porch. Silence. I refilled my coffee cup with fresh brew and settled down to enjoy the silence of the beautiful morning. Sitting in my silence I felt a strange sense of sadness.

My little feathered morning companion was gone. I had driven it away. But, my victory did not please me. I was sorry that I had behaved the way I did. I wanted the bird to come back. It did not. It was at that point in time that I realized an unpleasant pattern in my life, i.e. working hard to get circumstances and situations in my life the way I wanted them only to discover after the fact that I was not happy with my behavior or the outcome. It felt like the man who cliimbed the tall ladder of success only to discover that his ladder was against the wrong wall.

My eleven-year old grandson and I were playing a round of golf one summer morning. He was not having a very good time of hitting the ball straight. After one of his scuffs he turned to me and said, "I think it is a mental thing, Poppie!" I laughed. Many times I have worked vigurously to change my environment only to discover that the problem was more mental than enviro/mental. Situations and circumstances are nothing more than situations and circumstances until we label them one way or another, good or bad, aggravating or pleasing, right or wrong, sad or happy.

I can try to change those circumstances that I deem unpleasant. I can throw rocks at birds that I label "stupid". But, I must remember the words of my grandson, Parker. "It is a mental thing, Poppie!" Changing the situation does not necessarily change me or my moods and attitudes. I change when I change my thinking because "Thinking is Everything".

Managing Thoughts

"Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission."

Arnold Bennett (1867-1932)

Life is thoughts. Life is over when thinking ceases. Thinking determines the kind of life one leads and the quality of life one experiences. It is biologically impossible for someone to have a thought for another person. Thinking is an individual experience, governed and controlled by an individual's brain. Brain disease and brain injury are poniant reminders of how individualized thinking really is. As much as we might like to help a friend or loved one think, it is impossible.

Managing one's thoughts is the most significant of human tasks , and one of the most overlooked or minimized. Managing one's thoughts is not optional. Thoughts are always managed in such a way as to either maximize or minimize one's life experience.

Mental health, like physical health, is crucial to optimal living, or to use Abraham Maslow's terminolgy, "self-actualization." Ignoring one's physical health or making unwise decisions regarding personal health is costly. When individuals fail to eat properly, neglect excercize and use harmful chemicals on or in their bodies they set themselves up for pain, suffering and premature death.

The same is true of one's mental life. When an individual learns how to think correctly, maximizing positive thoughts while minimizing negative, he or she reaps the benefits of pleasant emotions and productive behavior. Putting positive information into the brain while guarding the mind from intrusive malignant images is health.

Managing thoughts is the greatest of all individual tasks. Manager training is sometimes needed.

Learning How to Think

One of the most interesting stories that I have ever read was the story of Helen Keller and her relationship with her teacher, Annie Sullivan. Keller was born without sight or hearing. I once heard a man tell of his brother whom he said was "deaf and dumb." I had no idea what that was.

Helen Keller may have been deaf, but she was not dumb. She had no language. She had no knowledge of what anything was. However, on one fateful day, Keller finally understood. Sullivan had been trying to establish communication with this young blind and deaf girl. Suddenly, as Sullivan was "signing" into the palm of Keller's hand, Keller understood and the communication barrier was broken. A world was opened up to this hopeless young girl; a world of thought, understanding and language.


Thinking controls most human emotion and behavior. Humans had thoughts before they had language, but language is one large factor in the critical thinking process. Communication with oneself (self-talk) and others is a language issue. Speaking to oneself is thinking. Speaking to others is thinking revealed in language. We learn a language or languages and we also learn how to think. Learning how to think realistically, logically and truthfully about any subject matter is called education.


A thought is a form of reasoning, calculation and a personal perception concerning anything. Thoughts can be educated evaluations or they can be perceptions based squarely on ignorance. Thoughts can be centered in the truth or framed on an untruth. Even educated thoughts are not necessarily true.


Learning how to think is one of the most significant tasks in the developmental process. Excellent teachers possess knowledge of logic and reasoning. They are skilled in the transfer of information related to critical thinking skills. Thinking abilities are taught and fortunate is the person who learns them.


Simply trusting one's reasoning and calculating ability without comparing it with the reasoning and calculations of others is dangerous and arrogant. Learning how to mentally calculate about anything is a fundamental necessity for anyone wishing to rise to higher levels of understanding and freedom. One of the tools of anarcy is to keep the population in ignorance. Ignorance is a potential prison for those trusting it's bliss.


Vocabulary is the building blocks of language. Thinking skills are enhanced by a growing vocabulary. There are more ways of thinking about anything when there are more words to explain it or understand it. Learning how to think about anything is controlled by the vocabulary of language. Understanding is communicated to self and others through langauge vocabulary.

Thinking is normal for living creatures. However, all creatures are not created equal when it comes to rational, logical and truthful thinking. The human animal seems to have a great cognitve advantage over other living creatures sharing the planet.

Thinking is everything and it is natural for humans to think. However, thinking skills are taught. Neglecting this most important elelment in human development is tantamount to relugating oneself to a prison of ignorance and mistakes. Education is knowledge related to any subject. Education is learning how to think, how to calculate or reason, about a certain subject.
Like Helen Keller, we can have a moment of enlightenment concerning the importance of thinking in our lives.

A Thought is Not a Feeling

Since I am in a "hopefully helping profession called counseling" I've asked more than a few people this question, "And, how do you feel about that?" Well, feelings are an important part of our lives. We would hardly be human if we had no emotions. Although most feelings are created by thoughts, we must distinguish between the two; feelings are not thoughts, never have been and never will be.

A thought is a mental calculation requiring some form of reason or logic, although the reasoning and logic may be faulty. A feeling is not a calculation. It is not a logical ideation. A feeling, which may or may not produce a physical sensation, is a mood or an attitude. The old saying "where there is smoke there is fire" may be applicable here. Where there is thought there are feelings. Smoke and are quite different and so are feelings and thoughts.

When I ask, :How do you feel about that?" the patient usually responds with a thought. They tell me what they think about "that". When I suggest that they have given me their thoughts, they often look very confused. "But, you asked how I felt about that and I told you how I felt?" This may be a teachable moment for the patient who knows that there is a difference between thoughts and feelings, she just bever thought that much about it. "When I asked you how you felt about that, yhoiu told me that you THOUGHT it was a good idea. Can you see that is not a feeling? You told me what you thought, not how you felt. Can you tell me how you felt about that by using these feelings as a guide: Mad, Sad, Glad, Afraid, Ashamed and Hurt. These are feelings, emotions not thoughts. "

It is interesting to note that once my client understands the difference (that he or she has always known) they are able to make the distinction between thoughts and feelings very quickly. At first, they may pause to think about how they feel about a matter. But, after a while they become aware of a feeling as it is happening. One may say, "I saw a young man steal an old lady's purse today and I thought the young man must be on drugs. It is a terrible thing to be on drugs, I'm sure. I felt sorry for the old lady." In this sentence we see how a person thinks and feels. The thought is "the boy must be on drugs to do some thing like that." The feeling is "sorry"
(sad, pity)for the old lady."

Feelings are not facts. They may be based on what appears to be facts, but they are not the facts. I may feel stupid, but my IQ says that I am in the high average range of intelligence. I may feel unattractive, but may be quite attractive to others. I may feel as if everyone is out to get me, while the truth may be intirely different. Feeling are not facts.

Feelings are not forever. They have a lifespan. If you are happy now you can count on something happening that will help change that feeling. Feelings are terminal. Feelings may seem to be forever, but they are not. A thought nor a feelings lasts forever. Some of my anxiety disordered patients think their panicky feeling will never go away, it is here to stay FOREVER. Not!!! Feelings come and go. Thoughts come and go. Whatever ain't forever.

Remember: Feelings and Thoughts are NOT, I repeat, NOT the same thing.

Blaming has been around as long as man has had a finger to point. In the very first Biblical story recorded in Genesis we find blame as one of man's original behaviors. Adam blamed Eve for his behavior and Eve blamed the talking serpent for her behavior.

There is the question as to why either of these individuals would want to blame someone or something else. It is easy to see their reasoning behind the transfer of responsibility. They thought they were "in trouble". They were afraid of the negative consequences for their behaviors, thus they began to excuse themselves. This event seemed very unpleasant for them. In order for the stress of potential devine litigation to be removed each of these once loving partners began the process of self-preservation. There is no apparent thought of personal responsibility for one's behavior only a hopeful shift in negative consequences from themselves to the other. With a friend, spouse or partner like that who needs enemies?

One of the first steps toward maturity, spirituality and human greatness is the willingness to take responsibility for oneself. That includes such things as one's thinking, one's behavior and one's emotions. It is easy to see how each of the characters in the Biblical story played a role in the other's behavior. But, to say that one made the other think what they thought, feel what they felt or do what they did is incorrect. Each of the characters was directed by their individual thinking. No one can have a biological thought for anyone else. It is a medical impossibility. And, since our lives are directed by our individual thoughts, we cannot blame anyone for our feelings, thoughts or behaviors even though others may play a role in each of them.

It may be liberating to adhere to the notion that one has power and control over oneself. Taking responsibility for oneself eliminates the middle man and gives the one with the brain all the power. This is a powerful start in the right direction for those considering giving up their role of victim.

Believing Vs. Experiencing

"Even the demons believe and tremble" (Book of James: Bible). Believing is important. We experience many things because of beliefs. Our experiences may be limited by our beliefs. Many individuals focus on their belief system as the most important variable in their life. Believing is a system of thinking ABOUT life. Experience is the mind's preception OF life.

Belief and experience are not the same thing. For example, believing and trembling are two different things. One is intellectual or mental and the other is behavioral. Trembling may occur as a result of what one believes about something or someone. Belief may be used to define an experience. "I believe the wages of my sin are the negative things that are occurring in my life." One may believe various things about human beings. However, one's experience of a human being is more significant. One may believe many doctrines and dogmas ABOUT God without having any particular identifiable experience WITH God.

Thinking is everything in the sense that it DEFINES an experience with or without certain preconceived ideas or beliefs about the experience. Experience is life. Thinking interprets the experience and gives it meaning, place and purpose. Without thinking there is no experience. Belief without experience is like a cloud without water. Go for the experience, that is the thing of life.

Is My Thinking True or False?

It is important to tell oneself the truth. Believing something for a period of time only to discover that it is false can be quite embarassing or maddening. Everyone has had that experience at least a few times. Children are initially gullible. They believe almost anything an adult says is the absolute truth. As they grow older, children begin to question the validity of some ideas postulated by the adults in their lives. This questioning can be a risky and dangerous business if the adults are fundamentalistic in their approach to their truth. Children, especially adolescents, arriving at a different truth can be considered rebellious or turning against family values. Harsh punishment often results with this change. What one thinks is true, whether about oneself, others, nature, circumstances, religion or politics is important and is either true or false. A good question might be, "is my thinking about (fill in the blank) true or false?"

The Data Gatherers

What you see is not necessarily what you are seeing. The data gathering senses are not perfect in their job. The older we get the more we understand that fact. The aging process can take a toll on the senses; we may not hear as good or see as well. Our smeller and our taster may even begin to let us down. Research has shown that eye witness testimony is not always accurate. A group of people are shown a car accident. After the viewing they are asked to discribe what they saw. No two people saw exactly the same thing. In fact, some of the "eye witnesses" seemed to hardly see the accident at all.

The data gatherers, the senses, are a critical element in the living process. An event occurs and we know that it happened because our senses bring in the sights, smells, tastes, sounds and textures of the situation. The brain begins to process the data, to interpret it and make assignments with regard to meanings. The event is simply that, an event. It has no power, no meaning, no particular effect until the brain swings into motion with the thinking process. Once the data is calculated, thinking is everything.

What Causes Feelings and Behaviors?

Now hear this! Events, circumstances, situations and instances do not, I repeat, do not cause an individual to do or feel anything. She/he/they made me feel/say/do is in no way, form or fashion true. It is emphatically false. Why? Because events have no cause without interpretation, perception or perspective. In order for one to have emotions about an event or circumstance there must be (1) data gathered about the event through the five senses (taste, touch, smell, hearing, seeing) and (2) thinking about the data that is gathered. Once thinking occurs there will be emotion and behavior. Quite simple, really.

How a Mind is Made

We know a lot about brain chemistry and anatomy; certainly more than ever before. New medications can often make the intrusive illnesses of depression and anxiety more manageable. Brain imaging and brain function research have pushed us into a new millinia of understanding. There is cause for celebration regarding these new advances.

There is still much to do. In fact, we have only just begun to understand this complicated organ, the brain. Some day researchers will smile when they think of the simplistic methods and theories of earlier centuries.

With all the research and understanding that abounds today there is one major part of the puzzle that remains a mystery. How does the ocean of neurons packed together under the bone of skull create a thought? We know how to make up our mind, but we do not know how is a mind is made?