Afraid of THAT Feeling

Anxiety is fear without an object. It is often a free-floating sense of dread that can escalate into a full-blown panic attack. Thoughts of sliding into that lake of feelings associated with higher levels of anxiety are full of "what ifs" and "hope nots" It's a circle of misery that can cause your body to ache from being tense and tight.

You were once a "normal person", you think. But one day it all changed. You began to FEEL something that seemed different. You stopped and paid attention to that feeling. The more you focused on it, the more intense it because and the more intense it became the more you focused and the more you focused the more fearful and panicky you became. The experience was horrible. You ended up in the ER.  They said you had a "panic attack" or that it was "just anxiety". The experience was horrible. You were sure that either you were going to die, or that you were going insane. Whatever, it scared the daylights out of you and you secretly hoped that you would never feel that way again.

So began your life of constant self-examination. Looking for that feeling. Hoping that it would not appear. But, it did. And, once again you felt yourself sliding into that ocean of feelings. You ended up in the ER again. You actually though you were going to die this time. You secretly hoped you were not going insane.
But, you were terrified at the thought of something being very wrong with your brain, your mind. You hoped you would not have a "nervous breakdown" and have to be hospitalized and be on medications.

You began to have feelings of being outside your body or outside your family and friends. You felt alone and you thought no one could possibly understand what you were going through. This problem seemed unique to you. Dissociative. You felt weird, like you were in a movie and nothing was real. Derealization. You were sure that you were on the verge of going crazy.  More alert than ever, hyper vigilant, obsessive, compulsive, your life seemed to be totally out of control.

You wondered what happened to those days of freedom and play when you were a kid? You longed to return to that place and start over again. You were a prisoner to your fear of those feelings. You had them in WalMart and left your cart in the aisle and left. You were in church and suddenly they appeared. With palms sweating and heart pounding, you got up and left. You had a strange fear of being in WalMart or church and you avoided going to either place. Every time you had an "episode" in or at a certain place, you found it more difficult to return. Your world seemed to be getting smaller. You were running from those feelings. But, they always seemed to catch you. You were a mess. A frightened ball of nerves. Always looking for those feelings.

Then one day something happened. You heard someone say that 'if your were not afraid of that feeling you would be well'. "Wait a minute", you thought, "is that really the answer? Is it really that simple?" But, you remembered how it was before you had "that feeling" for the first time. You recalled how it scared you and how you hoped you would never feel that again. But, you did and that set in motion the entire problem. You heard that feelings are terminal. They had a beginning and an end. You recalled how you had thought on many occasions that the feeling would last forever and you would be like that forever. To think that fear of the feeling was the problem and that if you could get over that, let it go, accept the feeling as brief and that you were in fact not going insane and not going to die...if you could....if you could not run from the feeling, dread it....you could be well. Your eyes were open. You felt a new freedom. "Maybe", you thought, "this is worth a try." Then It happened. The thing that you feared began again.  The feeling came and your heart started its rapid beat. But, you had prepared some thoughts on a note card and you read them to yourself. You reminded yourself of all that you had learned and the feeling did not seem so intense and it hardly lasted near as long.

As time went by, you became more and more friendly with all your feelings. You accepted them as part of your life, never forever- but with a beginning and an end. Fear was normal. The feeling of derealization and dissociation hardly bothered you any more. Once in a while you had a "what if" thought and wondered if you were drifting back into the circle again. But, you were not. You knew that you were never going down that road again  because fear of that feeling had left.

You told someone about what you had discovered. They were interested and said that they "had never thought about it that way" before. "You helped me", they said. "Good", you thought.

You Could Learn

You Did It Because You Knew How To Do It

You Knew How To Do It Because You Learned How To Do It

 I want to raise the level of your awareness regarding the significance of your thinking process. I want to challenge you to believe that your ability to think and learn empowers you to be and become almost anything you can imagine. Your brain is the organ that produces your thoughts that motivate any behavior, and most of your feelings.  For example, you see your friend standing at your door. You hear your doorbell ringing. You recognize her and rush to open the door. No big deal. Happens all the time. You would not have done anything without (1) Conciousness/being awake (2) Awareness/you heard and saw her and, (3) having some prior experience with her, the door bell sound, walking, moving your arms and hands, opening the door and responding. You learned all that before your friend got to your door. 

                     You Learned How To Do All That, So You Can Learn How To Do Something Else

This little vignette is an example of ordinary, everyday life and it is so important. Focus on the importance of learning. You knew something about all those things mentioned above because you were taught prior to the experience. Since this event was made possible because of your prior learning, perhaps you could think of other things that you would like to experience in your life and learn how to do that too. In other words, maybe you could become more than you are. 

                 You Could Learn To Be More Competent, Happier and More In Control

For example, you could learn how to be a person who is serene and calm throughout the day. You could learn how to deal successfully with feeling of anxiety and fear. You could learn how to be a more competent parent, husband, wife, friend, Christian, Jew, Muslim, Buddist or whatever. Remember that you learned how to speak English, or Spanish, or French, or whatever your spoken language might be. So, use the same principle to make changes in yourself and your life. Yes, you will have to study and take tests.

Don't just sit there, learn something. Most people are not stupid, they are ignorant (have no knowledge) of information that could or would change their life. Jesus said, "Forgive them for they know not what they do". You are living your life the way you learned to live it. Your teachers in your home, at school, in McDonalds, on the playground, in your group, on TV, on computer , and in books, taught you how to live. 

                                         

                                                Your Brain Is Your Organ of Consciousness

The brain causes consciousness. Consciousness may refer to awareness, or simply being alive. You can be conscious without being aware, but you cannot be aware without being conscious.  You can be conscious without knowing anything, such as when you were a newborn infant. You were alive and awake without being conscious of either. Some with traumatic brain injury are alive, and even conscious, without having language or memory to know anything. They may see you and even partially recognize you, without any ability to identify you. They have to be taught all over again.

                                         Your Brain is Your Center For Lifelong Learning

Life is an educational process. Your healthy brain is constantly recording your activity, thoughts, feelings, and consequences of every thought, feeling and behavior. You may, or may not, be conscious (aware) of what you are thinking, feeling, and doing. The idea of mindfulness captures the essence of this state of being. You can be mindful most of the time, if you learn how to be.

Learning is the process you go through to bring information into your brain, interpret the information through prior learning, classify it for reaction or response purposes and send it to the recall center. There are different ways of thinking about everything. While examining old ideas, you might discover some that were taught as true, real, and right, are not. Thinking your own truth is important and possible. Making a decision to learn how to think about something, to do something, and to be something,  is within your power right now. Why not make a list of things you wonder about, things you would like to know how to do or do better, things you would like to understand better, and let that be your curriculum for further education.  You brain in the "Center for LifeLong Learning".